Dating a newly divorced person

In this post I’m going to explain what I call, “Newly Divorced Man Syndrome – I hope you haven’t run into this but if you have, this will help you figure out what happened. He took the initiative and we started chatting/texting immediately.

We both right off the bat explained to each other our likes and dislikes and had mutual feelings.. After a week of talking he begged me everyday to meet him but because our work schedules clash and the distance, we had a hard time planning a date.

The thing of it is, I don't think it's a good idea to have a false relationship, or to pretend that things are okay when they're not.

You guys were dating in a normalish fashion and then he freaked out and backed way off.

To this day, he thanks me for helping him start his life over. It isn’t about replacing someone, but adding someone into your life to create a new chapter with. P., try not to compare the new person in your life to the old one.

I feel like we connected and have the same beliefs and common interests.

He also couldn’t sign up for marriage so soon after his wife had betrayed him and he spent years in litigation. When one had a happy marriage, they tend to want to be married again.They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.You’ll have to manage the frequency of her calls, the hours at which she makes them . well, imagine shredding a carrot, tying all those carrot shreds together, then threading the long, thin carrot they’ve become through your sinuses till they pop out of your mouth. Let’s say you’re trying on a dress, and you ask his opinion. He understands the closet isn’t his and his alone, he understands he doesn’t always get control of the TV. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a humble guy with failed marriage over some arrogant guy who’s never settled down any day of the week.Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick!

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